Current location:	the study
Current mood:	pensive
Current music:	If I Had Possession Over Judgement Day - Eric Clapton
Entry tags:	fandom: musings

Why I Lurk
I don't really know what the general fandom consensus is about lurkers. I've read a few posts, but my memory is wiped clean after about, oh, three to five minutes. My guess is that the feeling towards lurkers is mild annoyance - you know, "Why don't they crawl out of their holes?" type thoughts.

But I'm an occasional lurker. Here's why.


01. Time Issues
At this very moment, I am juggling college crap, school, issues with family, issues with RL friends, fandom and all its derivatives, and last minute Christmas presents.

That's nothing new to anyone who has experienced Life. I'm not the only one in the world who is stressing, so this is not me whining about wow, life is hard, man - this is me saying holy shit, there should be more time in the day.

I have time to read and comment every so often, but not everything. I try to, but fuck, man. There's so much.

(But at the moment, I'm on vacation, so I've been commenting more.)

halfshellvenus is pretty good at reminding me to review fics that I've recced, which I appreciate. Seriously, guys - give me a poke. Remind me to review, or to get my thoughts on That Fandom Meta, or my keyboard smash of squeeing over a new J2 picture. I won't bite.

02. Social Weirdness
As a general rule, I don't really like people. I'm so critical of my peers that talking with someone my age usually has me so annoyed that I'm counting down the minutes until I can slip away. I just - okay, it's hard to explain. People are great and fun, and humans probably need regular social interactions to survive, but sometimes I feel like saying, "Fuck off," and going to read a book, or something equally nerd-esque.

Not to say that I'm a total loner. I can be at times, but stick me in a room full of my friends and I'm the damn social butterfly. I guess it just takes a long time for me to trust someone enough to feel comfortable - which is a little ridiculous, since there's nothing traumatic in my past that would indicate I have Trust Issues. But this is inching towards subjects I should probably be discussing with a shrink, so - onward.

Some of this translates into fandom. I don't know any of you personally, but I am closer to some than others. I'm more likely to comment on a post by the former than the latter - I think that's a given. It's just that if I've friended someone after reviewing her fic and deciding she's pretty freakin' awesome, and then she makes a post about her RL that I know nothing about - I don't feel comfortable commenting and saying, "Well, I don't know you at all, but good luck with all of that."

(That, by the way, was something I thought up off the top of my head. I don't think it has any relevance to any person on my flist - but, you know, I have no memory, so that may be an accidental genuine example.)

Additionally, I can comment with something and, five minutes later, instantly regret it - either because it was a silly thing to say, or the word choice made me seem unintelligent, or I misinterpreted the OP's position. And, later, I will still be cursing myself. I can think of two instances way back in my LJ timeline - try two years - that still make me grind my teeth and flush with mortification.

It's ludicrous, I know. Childish, too. I shouldn't be freaking out like that over simple misunderstandings, but I do. I don't need to focus entirely on what people think of me and all that adolescent jazz, but I do. I really don't want y'all to think I'm immature or unsophisticated or whatever, because I think the average view of teenagers in fandom is, "Dumbass youngsters." (That may be because my first huge fandom was HP, and it's generally twenty- or thirty-somethings there, right? At least, that was my perception.) I don't want to be a dumbass youngster, because the dumbass youngsters annoy the piss out of me and there's only a year or two age difference between us sometimes.

Clearly, I'm just a big cup o' crazy.

03. Nothing to Say?
Commenting with, "Read it, but can't formulate my thoughts," feels, to me, really meaningless - almost rude. Especially since, knowing my complete lack of short-term memory, I will forget about it entirely (and, if I come across it a few weeks later, will still have nothing to say). And, if it's a RL-related post, then I feel like the rudeness is tripled.

Take thelana's posts, for example - I read them and love them (she says they're rambling, but the way she writes is how my brain works), but I rarely have anything constructive to say. I agree with her views, but there's already ten or fifteen comments of people saying, "Yeah, yeah, totally agree with you here - great point, great post!" and doesn't that get repetitive? Same with fics - if there's already three pages of, "Fucking awesome," and "Will rec," then does the author really need another comment?

I would think so. As a writer, I appreciate every single comment that appears at the end of my fics. But for meta-ish posts, I almost feel like it's different, since I think the point of meta is to encourage discussion - and if it's just comments of, "Agreed!" then, well, that's not a true discussion, is it?

But honestly, I don't even know what I'm talking about here. Am I even making any sense? *facepalm*


So...no real conclusion here. Just my brain spitting out phrases that have been spinning around for a few days. But I do read every single post that any of you make. Cross my heart and swear to die.

What are your opinions on lurkers?